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Patch 1.3

Prime Monster · Community Announcements · July 02, 2026

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Yes, that’s right - a new patch has received Royal Assent and can now be released to you fine citizens. But what’s it all about?

OPENING STATEMENTS

Let’s start with what we’ve done to…the start. 

As of now, your very first Red Box decision allows you to make a Tactic choice - meaning you can start “expressing” yourself as Leader of the Opposition right away! Which will surely be a treat for your first opponent.

A SNEAKY PREVIEW…OF UPGRADES

“It’s not where you’re from, it’s where you’re going to” - a trite cliché loved by politicians across the world.

But it CAN be true of Tactics (could this link be any more tenuous?) Sometimes you want to know what a Tactic WILL be when it reaches its full potential, rather than what it is in its dreary, current form. 

To that end, you can now right-click on any Tactic in order to preview what it will be in its upgraded form.

To demonstrate the power of this new functionality, you can actually right-click on this very Steam post in order to see a preview of what will be contained in the NEXT patch*.

*This is categorically untrue

BATTING OFF CRITICISM

Everyone knows there is no wild animal more loved and appreciated than the humble, leathery, goggle-eyed, disgusting bat.

But truth be told, we felt like we were leaving bats hanging. Those of you who are big supporters of Vampiric Victory were simply not being given adequate opportunities to take flight.

So just for you, we've added a brace of bat-based barbs in the form of two new tactics for Sucksworth!

But bat’s not all…

A SHOCKING DEVELOPMENT

No, it’s not that I have been fired and replaced with someone better at doing Steam posts. But it IS related to how to humanely deal with difficult underlings. 

Rotilda has decided that it is not enough to just cram Smelling Salts up the nostrils of her Zombie MPs (the ones that still have them, that is). As useful as they may be on occasion, they were not the best Item she could start with. 

So now every time you start a run with Rotilda she will have in her possession a brand new Item - the Shock Collar!

Those Zombie MPs are most certainly going to get it in the neck now.

And finally…

RIPPING YOU OFF

Not us, of course. These updates are all free, remember? No, instead we're offering you the chance to be mugged by a NEW political pairing...

The Earl of Dirtby has negotiated a (probably very one-sided) deal with Trollpole, and this unsightly duo will now appear in your second Term as a possible opponent.

If you weren't poor before you met them, you will be after!

PLEASE STOP

And so ends another post. It remains only for me to thank you for being here and hand over to my esteemed colleague, An Enormous List. Who will tell you about all the other changes contained in the patch.

See you next time!


New Content & Features

 

Balance

General

 

Chopper Badstone

 

Viscount Sucksworth

 

Rotilda de Cay

 

Opponents

 

Staff members

 

UI/UX & Visuals

 

Text & Localisation

 

Bug fixes

General

 

Gameplay

 

User Interface & Experience

 

Visuals

 

Audio

 

Chopper Badstone

 

Viscount Sucksworth

 

Rotilda de Cay

 

Opponents

 

Staff Members & Items

 

Others

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