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The Procession to Calvary

The Procession to Calvary

Pilfer from pirates, conspire with cardinals and perform miracles with an incompetent magician. The Procession to Calvary is a Pythonesque adventure game made from Renaissance paintings, and a spiritual successor to the critically acclaimed Four Last Things.

Released Apr 9, 2020 Developer Joe Richardson Publisher Akupara Games Platforms Windows · Mac · Linux Dark ComedyFunnyMedievalPoint & ClickSurreal
View on Steam ↗ $9.99 (US · as of 2026-09-10)

What players say

Steam review score and the most-helpful voices, which may include critical ones. Score via Steam as of 2026-09-02 · quoted reviews as of 2026-05-13.

96.8%positive1,524 reviews

What reviewers agree on

Praised
Criticised
Bar length = how many of the 104 reviews raise the point On criticised points, the pale part = reviewers who still recommend the game Select a point to see the exact counts and what reviewers wrote.

Counted across 104 English reviews, sampled to match this game's 96.8% positive rating · as of 2026-05-13

Recommended · 26 found this helpful

“Funny little historical points and click game. You'll love it or hate it.”

— a player, Steam review · 2 hrs played
Recommended · 12 found this helpful

“It was fun, but, tbh, I liked first one better. Yes, more save slots is a significant improvement. And yes, you can pet the kitty (but where is the dog?)... And it's still the same kind of humor and pretty much the same gameplay as before. My only complaint - a bit too much gore…”

— a player, Steam review · 4 hrs played
Recommended · 11 found this helpful

“It's nice to see that Monty Python still lives on in this bizarre and terribly funny point-and-click adventure. Terry would be proud.”

— a player, Steam review · 3 hrs played
Read more reviews ↗

Player activity

Monthly average concurrent players. Live data self-collected from the Steam API · history through 2026-06 via SteamCharts.

77all-time peak
0 10 20 2021 2022 2023 2024 2025 2026 No data collected for this period No data collected for this period No data collected for this period No data collected for this period No data collected for this period No data collected for this period 13 avg · Apr 2026

Achievement stats

Global completion rates across all Steam players — a data view of how far people actually get. Source: Steam official stats · as of 2026-09-05.

21achievements
37.9%median completion
14.2%rarest: Serial Killer
59.3% of players 58.5% of players 57.2% of players 50.4% of players 49.4% of players 47.0% of players 43.0% of players 40.3% of players 39.5% of players 38.3% of players 37.9% of players 37.4% of players 37.3% of players 36.9% of players 36.5% of players 35.9% of players 32.6% of players 30.3% of players 24.8% of players 16.1% of players 14.2% of players 59.3% 0% most earned rarest
Almost everyone has
59.3%Spank the Bishop — But I -- I say to you, not to resist the evil, but whoever shall slap thee on thy right cheek, turn to him also the other. -Matthew 5:39
58.5%First Blood — Whoever sheds the blood of man, by man shall his blood be shed, for God made man in his own image. -Genesis 9:6
57.2%Abuse Democracy — I appeal to you, brothers and sisters, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another in what you say and that there be no divisions among you... -Corinthians 1:10
Rarest badges of honor
14.2%Serial Killer — And for your lifeblood I will surely demand an accounting. I will demand an accounting from every animal. And from each human being, too... -Genesis 9:5
16.1%Holy Book — Blessed is the one who reads aloud the words of this prophecy, and blessed are those who hear it and take to heart what is written in it. -Revelations 1:3
24.8%The End #2 — You say, ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.’ But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful and naked. -Revelations 3:17

Price tracking

US-region pricing (USD), sampled twice daily by our own tracker since 2026-07-11. Steam prices vary by region — always confirm your local price on Steam.

$9.99current · sampled 2026-09-10 20:53 UTC
$1.99lowest since tracking began2026-08-27
US9.99 USD
EU9.49 EUR
UK7.99 GBP
Australia14.95 AUD
Canada12.99 CAD
Japan1,100 JPY
Brazil29.99 BRL
China35.00 CNY

Regional prices at last sample, in local currency — Steam sets each region's price independently.

China≈$5.2 Brazil Japan Canada US Australia UK EU≈$11

Cheapest → most expensive, converted to USD at ECB reference rates (2026-09-10). Relative comparison only.

$0 $10 $20 07-11 07-23 08-04 08-16 08-29 09-10

Latest official news

Developer announcements via the Steam news API — links go to the original posts. More across all games on the news hub.

Sep 03, 2026
Akupara Games 10 Year Anniversary Schedule

Hey Sins and Sinners, We’re 3 days away from our 10 year anniversary Direct and livestream on September 6th! Come join on September 6th at Noon PT for hours of announcements and fun! The Immortal John

Aug 27, 2026
Immortal John Triptych is Out Now!

Hey, sinners and saints, Immortal John Triptych is out now! If you enjoyed Four Last Things , The Procession to Calvary , and/or Death of the Reprobate, then The Immortal John Triptych, which brings a

Aug 26, 2026
Rerecording 16th Century Music for a 21st Century Comedy Game

Every year when it's Spotify Wrapped time, I'm always excited to go through the little process with all of my friends-- only to realize that the thing I've listened to most is some game soundtrack, be

Aug 20, 2026
Celebrating 10 Years of Akupara Games

Hey saints and sinners, Next month we are kicking off our 10 year anniversary and we are celebrating with our first annual Akupara Direct, hosted by Alpha Beta Gamer . is joining the Akupara Direct wh

Jul 28, 2026
The Immortal John Triptych is officially releasing on August 27th!

Hey sinners, The Immortal John Triptych is officially releasing on August 27th! If you’re a true guffawing gamer, then I would recommend checking out our flippantly silly game, The Immortal John Tript

Games like The Procession to Calvary

From our knowledge graph — ranked by shared traits, not a black box. Each card says why it's here.

Screenshots

Official Steam store screenshots — click any shot to enlarge.

Facts & details

From the Steam store record, snapshot 2026-05-13.

GenresAdventure, Indie
Player tagsDark Comedy · Funny · Medieval · Point & Click · Surreal · Indie · Female Protagonist · Story Rich · Puzzle · Comedy · Singleplayer · 2D (SteamSpy community voting)
FeaturesSingle-player · Steam Achievements · Steam Trading Cards · Camera Comfort · Custom Volume Controls · Mouse Only Option · Playable without Timed Input · Family Sharing
LanguagesEnglish, French, German, Spanish - Spain, Portuguese - Brazil
Achievements21
Official sitehttp://joerichardson.games/theprocession/
Minimum system requirements (PC)

Minimum: Requires a 64-bit processor and operating system OS *: Windows XP Processor: 2 GHz - Dual Core Memory: 2 GB RAM DirectX: Version 10 Storage: 1 GB available space